Category: Just Me

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Moving in Faith

Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised

It’s been a while, but it’s past time.

I’ve been reading and growing, just quietly. But I definitely want to get more active on the blog again, and what better way to start than with a Soulful Sunday?

Last year was migraines. This year? Well, I won’t go into the details–I think it would be embarrassing to people who aren’t me, and this blog isn’t about that. What I’ll say is that I have always found it so interesting how the strength you gain from one trial is definitely intended to carry you through the next one. This past year has been hard, humbling, disheartening–but full of growth and love. I have seen the worst in people and the best in people. I have learned to pray for people who have the worst intentions for me. I have remembered to forgive people who never asked for it. I have seen what true friendship means. And in the midst of going through this, I did a devotional on my Bible app call 41 will come with my brother. It wasn’t what I thought it would be, but it was exactly what it should be.

It reminded us of the significance of the number 40 in the Bible, 40 days of flood, Moses hid for 40 years after committing murder, 40 years the Israelites wondered in the wilderness, and 40 days Goliath bullied Israel. It’s the latter that the author chose to focus on to remind us of our personal responsibility in bringing our 41.

I think people should do the devotional, so I’m going to try not to steal the thunder, but this is what I want to say–I walked away from the 7 day plan with a renewed sense of walking into the purpose has for me, despite those that will try to derail me from that path. One thing I have seen in watching others with great purpose is that the devil will get very busy in trying to derail them. People will discourage you, he’ll let that inner voice of yours tell you that your mistakes are too big, and you could never be the person God is telling you you’re supposed to be. That book you are supposed to write, that business you are supposed to start, that presentation you are supposed to give, that promotion you want, the life you are supposed to touch just by being the best version of you possible–the devil is trying to convince you you’re too small. He’s allowing people to tell you that you are too something: too inexperienced, too old, too mean, too new, too cute, too ugly, too uneducated, too poor–and all of it is a lie.

Understand that if God means it for you, no one can take it from you. If God means it for you, there are people who will never be touched in the way they should be if you don’t live up to the purpose God intends for you. And understand that with God’s power behind you, if you believe, you can not fail if you are walking in your path. One of the verses that touched me most was Romans 8:11:

“But if the Spirit of Him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, He that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by His Spirit that dwelleth in you.”

Y’all–the Holy Spirit dwells in me. That makes me powerful beyond my imagination–I just have to tap into it, I have to believe in it. I have to face whatever adversary is between me and my purpose knowing that the victory was won before the battle began, because I am meant to touch the lives I will touch by living to my greatest potential. I am doing no one any good by shrinking, by letting those voices, those naysayers, those agents of the enemy get in my head. I am a child of the Most High, He has given me the gift of His Spirit, and my purpose is to glorify Him by living to my greatest and fullest potential. I dare not shrink into the shadows. YOU dare not shrink into the shadows. Not because of people, not because of COVID, not because of anything.

It reminds me one of my favorite quotes–and on it I will end.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles“

I’m not sure about you, but I have to remind myself often–I don’t get to shrink. You don’t get to shrink. We’ve got work to do 🙂

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Rainbows

Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised

13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.

Gen 9:13 KJV

I was riding in the car, thinking about a particularly difficult situation. In fact, many would call it impossible, or hopeless. I had my eyes closed, and I was talking to God, asking Him to make this situation better, and to strengthen me and prepare me if He decided not to, and I opened my eyes and saw the picture I’ve loaded to today’s blog…a rainbow. Not taking up the sky—not overwhelming. If I wasn’t looking, I would have missed it. If I had kept my eyes closed longer, I would have missed it. At first, the parallel to the scripture lost on me, I tried to snap a picture, thinking that my oldest would really want to see this partial rainbow. And then, the significance of what I was seeing hit me. The symbol of a covenant. A promise. What the rainbow can represent to those who believe. God’s first promise, and His every promise. For me in that moment, that tiny rainbow, in that great big sky–that almost invisible hope, in all that impossibility—it gave me so much peace.

You see guys, I didn’t get to write last week. There’s a reason. A great one. I took a trip to see a physical therapist who has changed the course of my headaches. I’m about 70% better. I may have to take my abortive therapy tomorrow, because I’ve simply overdone it the past few days, but where I’d been taking this medication every day to every other day, I have gone 11 days without taking it. For the first time in over 6 months, I went 11 days migraine free. I am so amazingly and abundantly grateful to God! It’s amazing!

And that’s just the beginning of what He’s been doing for me in the past 3-4 months. He is simply AWESOME. AMAZING. So I’m sitting in the car, talking to Him about this situation, and there is this tiny symbol of his covenant with Noah, in the great big sky, and if I had waited just 2-3 more seconds, I’d have missed it, and I’m so moved, because I’m almost certain He’s just told me to be quiet and trust Him more. To hush, and stop thinking so hard, and do what He says, and that even if He’s got to destroy some things I think I need, He’s got me. Peace, be still.  

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

~ Matthew 19:26 ESV

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Splinters and Planks

Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matt 7:1-5 NIV

This verse is resonating with me this week. So often we see what others need to change, how others have wronged us, how others should grow. I have praised God in these migraines—one thing He has shown me is who is in my corner, and who is not. He has helped me walk away from situations that were not for me. He has helped me grow in ways I didn’t know possible. I praise Him in that. However, in all that, I am constantly praying that I am not guilty of the above—that I do not find myself flawed in someway that I am blind to due to a plank in my eye.

It’s very much like how at the beginning of all this, I sat and told my patients to take care of themselves, take time for self-care, while literally running myself into the ground and ignoring my own advice. In fact, my taking the time off work, at my physician’s and admin’s advice, was because I wanted to be able to look my patients in the eye, and know that I had done the very thing I encouraged them to do, day in and day out. And today, it’s with a different conviction, but zero judgment, that I encourage my patients to self-care when necessary.

So this week, I am challenging us all, me first, make sure you are appropriately reflecting on yourself. Make sure you are leading growth by example. Make sure you are being the Christ you want to see in others before you ask it of them. Let’s not be so arrogant that we think we have it all figured out—that’s the beginning of the end.

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My Body, The Temple

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Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised

“Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? And ye are not your own; for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.”

1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 KJV

I just got home today from a conference surrounded by my colleagues in internal medicine, learning about updates in the field, wellness, resiliency, and networking. And so, of course, this, one of my favorite passages, resonates with me today. Because I find that we often forget…I often forget…that my body, this thing that I sometimes neglect in the name of serving others, houses the Spirit.

So let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about what that means.

When the Israelites were privileged to have God in their presence, they were instructed to build a tabernacle. It was holy, and sacred. They had specific instructions for its care, and for who could enter, and how they could enter.

Through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus, Christians are privileged to have access to this relationship 24/7, in our own bodies. It means our bodies are sacred places. It means our wellness is a sacred thing—after all, we only get one physical temple. Yes, it will age. It will become ill. It will meet hardships. But we are also given the responsibility to treat it with the respect and honor of the temple that houses the Spirit.

Growing up, I always heard this read to teach against tattoos, sexual immorality, etc. But as a physician and someone who is learning more and more what it truly means to live well, I truly feel we’ve done this verse a disservice, and that treating our bodies with respect is so much deeper than this.

Eat well. Stop putting so much fast food, processed food, sugar and excess into our bodies that we constantly feel sluggish.

Exercise. Renew energy and build strength through movement.

Rest. Stop burning the candle at both ends and sit down long enough to hear God’s voice and direction in our lives.

Draw boundaries. Learn to say no to the things that aren’t serving His purpose in our lives or allowing us time to ensure we are caring for ourselves.

Give the Spirit a home that is strong, resilient, and ready to serve.

I know I’m still learning. I’m a work in progress. But it’s so important to remember that caring for this body is important as we are stewards of all we’ve been given, and health is such an important blessing! Let’s not take it for granted.

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Breaking the Bonds of Perfectionism

Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised

“for by grace have you been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not of works, that no man should glory”

Ephesians 2:8-9

So I have a confession. I’ve made it before somewhere on this site. I’m a recovering perfectionist. And much like a recovering alcoholic, I must admit, I realize this will always be a problem I will struggle against.

I realized a long time ago that we all have our struggles. For some, it’s lying, some stealing, some pride…you get it. My struggles: trust and perfectionism. They will lifelong be the things I struggle against, and I’m pretty sure they go hand in hand.

When I had to leave my job in July for the first four weeks due to the severity of my migraines, I sat in front of my administrator and told her, I simply wanted to make sure to learn whatever I was supposed to learn from this. And I began to study. And that study immediately took headfirst into major work on my perfectionism and doing away with it.

The Bible’s call to be perfect is speaking about a completeness that can only come through God, and recognition of his sufficiency. It does not come through striving to be everything to everyone, never making a mistake, never sweating, never asking for help.

I feel like this is going to be such a journey—In fact, I’m sitting here, knowing that there is way too much to type on this topic, knowing that I’m too tired, but wanting to finish because it’s Sunday, and I’m supposed to post something—I made a rule! I’m laughing at myself. So actually, I’m going to close on this here. I’m going to stop. Because I can’t really do this topic justice at this time of night, with this level of exhaustion. What’s funny, is I have known since about 10am what this post should be about today. Funny how the Lord works. Funny how he needs you to hear your own words sometimes.

So we’ll end on this: I felt I was reading my soul when I read these words in one of the books I decided to read. “I’m done trying to be everything to everyone, trying to prove a point to the world. I will not chase this impossible standard. I’ll hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.”  The book is Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley, and I truly found some good points in it. The first few chapters, and this quote, definitely needed revisiting as I enter my fourth week of work, and I feel the familiar tingle of the super woman syndrome calling to me.

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Lessons in Suffering

Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised

Anyone who has spoken to me in depth, in person, about these migraines I’ve been experiencing since May of this year has heard this: this is a very spiritual journey. It may make some uncomfortable to know just how much I hear God’s voice and feel His Spirit guiding my every move these days. This is a transformative process, and so when people ask me how I’ve remained sane through some of my darkest days, or how I’m smiling when I’ve been in some form of pain daily for around 5 months, I say, “The Lord and I have become really, really close.” When there are weeks you spent where 70-80% of your day is alone in a dark room, you either go into the darkness, or you get VERY spiritual, start to really ask some questions about some things, and stop asking questions about others, and just—do what He’s telling you to do. It’s what started this blog.

Today, I want to talk about suffering again, because mine isn’t over, and it does my spirit some good to remind myself of purpose. We suffer for a few reasons.

Sometimes, we’ve made some choices, and there are consequences. For instance, Adam and Eve chose to disobey the command not to eat from the specific tree in the Garden, and all of humanity has suffered the separation from God since. Jesus came to restore, but God does allow free will, and he does allow the natural consequences to those choices that are outside His will in our lives. I’ll tell y’all, I had some growing to do here. You know, things like: take responsibility for eating on time, drink enough water, get enough sleep, draw some appropriate boundaries. Basically, make sure you are taking care of your body. I said to myself, “God isn’t going to heal you if you aren’t doing the things that you need to do to take care of your own body, sweetie.”  My preacher spent 5 minutes on the phone specifically trying to convince me to give up caffeine. I don’t take that lightly. So, I reduced it significantly, to amounts that I knew as a physician were much more in line with what was recommended for my condition (a major feat for me). And I saw major improvements. Consequences. I continue to pray for him to show me how to change the things I can change in my condition, as it is said, faith without works is dead.

Sometimes, the Lord is allowing a test, like in Job. And as 1 Peter 1:6-7 says, you may “suffer grief in all kinds of trials” but they have come to “prove the genuineness of your faith” that it “may result in the praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” Sometimes, your praise through the storm is simply to perfect your faith so that God can be glorified. And since Christians know Romans 8:28 well, we know there is no reason to get down about these trials. We know Job was restored, above and beyond his previous status. We know God’s will for us is above and beyond our wildest imagination for ourselves, as long as we align ourselves with His will. I’m no where near as tested as Job was, but I do lean on this story, as I encounter each new challenge, each new hurdle. A positive spirit goes a long way amid a storm.

Sometimes, as I discussed in my previous blog, the Lord is preparing you for a great blessing, but he’s got to use what appears to be a stumbling block to get you on the path that he has cleared for you.

But the scripture that has carried me, and I have meditated on: 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with the weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

–King James Version Bible

The timing of the headaches was right at a time in my life when all God’s blessings were falling into place, my career seemed to be coming together, my family is picture perfect, and I am finally beginning to own the gifts and talents He has blessed me with. Then BAM! Now mind you, I have never been an arrogant person—this is not really my struggle. In fact, I would say my struggle is the opposite—downplaying and not fully utilizing my gifts and talents. But I would say that I’m a bit of a control freak. I tend to like to take the wheel. I tend to like to make the plan. And at a time where I was beginning to see the gifts, I truly believe God has slowed me down enough so that I can learn to lean on Him for guidance with exactly how I am to use them, and who is supposed to be in my space when I do. I’m still learning, and clearly, the migraines are still here, so He still has some things to show me.

Hopefully this can serve as an encouragement for someone else who’s going through a tough time or will go through a tough time. Truthfully, as I’ve stated before, this piece, this is about me, my growth, and my peace. Be blessed.

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Getting to Know Me

So this was posted on Twitter, and because I’m not popular on Twitter and have no following, it wasn’t something that mattered when I replied, but I thought it’d be a fun thing to blog as a “Get To Know Me”…so here are a few of my responses:

“And then…I gave up coffee” Been drinking it since I was 10 or so. When I was in high school, my mom got me a coffee maker with an espresso maker as one of my gifts for Christmas.

“The movie was better than the book” Like—who in their right mind believes this? Also, books are BAE! I mean tied equally with coffee and great food. And after my human BAEs of course…yeah…lol.

“I’d love to go to that party full of people I never talk to!” Introvert 4 Life!

“Small talk is the best thing EVER!” See above

“I LOVE being pregnant!!” Yeah, not for me. Ever. Again. Assuming the Good Lord says the same (I’m definitely doing my part, I tell ya! Faith without works, chile…)

“Supersize it!” You should never. Unless you’re a 19 year old, 220lb male who runs track 5 days a week.

“I LOVE planning parties!” Shoot me.

“I would totally do residency again” See above

“I love pickles!” I’ve tried. I just..can’t. You guys make them look really good, though.

“Chocolate is GROSS!” Who are these people?

“Wine is GROSS!” Jesus didn’t say this…you can’t say this 😊

“I just love CHAOS!” Type A personality here—I crave order and I have a plan A, B, C. It drives me crazy that other people don’t have answers for my 5 million hypothetical questions. I’m working on this. Also, this blog is probably the most unplanned thing I’ve ever done…in life. So cheers to a bit of therapy!

“So, I’m going to have on flats at brunch” I never wear flats, y’all. I have to be hiking, or training a dog, exercising, or something where heels are really, really unsafe in order not to wear them. I wore them every day of my pregnancy. I wear them everywhere. If I’m not in heels, you should know there’s something wrong. Ask. I’m not okay.

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Lessons from Ruth


Once a week, I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based in my relationship with the Trinity. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you—be advised.

I’m still dealing with these migraines. Still trying to see where they’re going to take me and I’m still looking for guidance, and sometimes needing a little encouragement to keep pushing. It has been so amazing to see God work to use these migraines to grow me as a person, and amazing to see Him give me just what I need to keep me pushing. He didn’t disappoint this Sunday.
It’s funny how even when you know better, you think YOU are making a decision, when actually, it’s been His plan all along. Or, He’s rather capable of using our decisions for His benefit. Either way…
Our dog has been having quite a time with his ear cropping, and we were having guests over later in the afternoon. In an attempt to be able to have some down time before our guests (to prevent a major headache) and so that someone could watch the dog (to keep him from removing his bandages, yet again!) I attended 8 am service at a congregation other than the one I usually attend. And it was obvious, this was just as God intended, as soon as I heard the message.

“God will take you through something—He needs to humble you because He’s getting ready to expand you in a great way.”


The minister was talking about Ruth, about how she lost her husband and her sons, she was widowed, with no family, and she was basically at what we would call “rock bottom.” He explained that sometimes, God will take you through something—He needs to humble you because He’s getting ready to expand you in a great way. He then used a secular example: Steve Harvey.
Steve Harvey was praying for an increase in his notoriety, then he announced the wrong winner on the Miss Universe stage in 2015. He instantly became known world wide, and it was so bad, he had to hire security due to death threats. Shortly after, he had a show where he hosted Miss Columbia, and it was his show with highest ratings. He has been much more globally recognized since that moment.
Back to Ruth—Ruth lost everything. But Naomi, her daughter-in-law stuck beside her. And through that love, God increased Ruth’s blessing she became the ancestor of one of the greatest men to ever walk the face of the Earth according to us Christians!
I left so encouraged. I’m not sure who else needs to hear this, but I sure did. Sometimes you’ve prayed for an increase. Sometimes you didn’t even pray for it, but God is ready for you to have it. However, before you can have something so great, you need to know how human you are, how small you are, so that you keep your humility. You need to remember just how quickly it can vanish so that you appreciate it when it comes. You need to remember how great He is, so that you don’t second guess who got you where you are, and who’s going to continue to carry you through. Be blessed!

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My First Blog…

Why did I start this page? I think it’s been a long time coming, but recently, a series of events have really highlighted that I’ve been selling myself, my talents, my God (yes I believe in God, and He is the reason I am all I am) short.

A friend of mine started a campaign, #extraordinaryiswhoiam. And it was sitting there, watching her live video (that honestly I didn’t know I was signing up to watch when she asked me to post this picture on Tuesday after Labor Day), that I realized I’m not allowed to sit back and continue to just think about things I’d like to see happen. Think about the writing I used to do, and hope to write again. Think about my passion for preventative care, healthy eating, exercise, wellness, and not start to put a plan in motion to share that widely. So I decided shortly after that this is how I’d start. And see where it leads me.

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Find the link to the live that was my final inspiration below, and join the movement! Because you, sis, are also extraordinary!

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