“for by grace have you been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not of works, that no man should glory”
Ephesians 2:8-9
So I have a confession. I’ve made it before somewhere on this site. I’m a recovering perfectionist. And much like a recovering alcoholic, I must admit, I realize this will always be a problem I will struggle against.
I realized a long time ago that we all have our struggles. For some, it’s lying, some stealing, some pride…you get it. My struggles: trust and perfectionism. They will lifelong be the things I struggle against, and I’m pretty sure they go hand in hand.
When I had to leave my job in July for the first four weeks due to the severity of my migraines, I sat in front of my administrator and told her, I simply wanted to make sure to learn whatever I was supposed to learn from this. And I began to study. And that study immediately took headfirst into major work on my perfectionism and doing away with it.
The Bible’s call to be perfect is speaking about a completeness that can only come through God, and recognition of his sufficiency. It does not come through striving to be everything to everyone, never making a mistake, never sweating, never asking for help.
I feel like this is going to be such a journey—In fact, I’m sitting here, knowing that there is way too much to type on this topic, knowing that I’m too tired, but wanting to finish because it’s Sunday, and I’m supposed to post something—I made a rule! I’m laughing at myself. So actually, I’m going to close on this here. I’m going to stop. Because I can’t really do this topic justice at this time of night, with this level of exhaustion. What’s funny, is I have known since about 10am what this post should be about today. Funny how the Lord works. Funny how he needs you to hear your own words sometimes.
So we’ll end on this: I felt I was reading my soul when I read these words in one of the books I decided to read. “I’m done trying to be everything to everyone, trying to prove a point to the world. I will not chase this impossible standard. I’ll hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.” The book is Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley, and I truly found some good points in it. The first few chapters, and this quote, definitely needed revisiting as I enter my fourth week of work, and I feel the familiar tingle of the super woman syndrome calling to me.