Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised.
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matt 7:1-5 NIV
This verse is resonating
with me this week. So often we see what others need to change, how others have
wronged us, how others should grow. I have praised God in these migraines—one thing
He has shown me is who is in my corner, and who is not. He has helped me walk
away from situations that were not for me. He has helped me grow in ways I didn’t
know possible. I praise Him in that. However, in all that, I am constantly
praying that I am not guilty of the above—that I do not find myself flawed in
someway that I am blind to due to a plank in my eye.
It’s very much like how
at the beginning of all this, I sat and told my patients to take care of
themselves, take time for self-care, while literally running myself into the
ground and ignoring my own advice. In fact, my taking the time off work, at my physician’s
and admin’s advice, was because I wanted to be able to look my patients in the
eye, and know that I had done the very thing I encouraged them to do, day in
and day out. And today, it’s with a different conviction, but zero judgment,
that I encourage my patients to self-care when necessary.
So this week, I am
challenging us all, me first, make sure you are appropriately reflecting on
yourself. Make sure you are leading growth by example. Make sure you are being
the Christ you want to see in others before you ask it of them. Let’s not be so
arrogant that we think we have it all figured out—that’s the beginning of the
end.
Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised
“for by grace have you been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not of works, that no man should glory”
Ephesians 2:8-9
So I have a confession. I’ve made it before somewhere on
this site. I’m a recovering perfectionist. And much like a recovering alcoholic,
I must admit, I realize this will always be a problem I will struggle against.
I realized a long time ago that we all have our struggles.
For some, it’s lying, some stealing, some pride…you get it. My struggles: trust
and perfectionism. They will lifelong be the things I struggle against, and I’m
pretty sure they go hand in hand.
When I had to leave my job in July for the first four weeks
due to the severity of my migraines, I sat in front of my administrator and
told her, I simply wanted to make sure to learn whatever I was supposed to
learn from this. And I began to study. And that study immediately took headfirst
into major work on my perfectionism and doing away with it.
The Bible’s call to be perfect is speaking about a
completeness that can only come through God, and recognition of his
sufficiency. It does not come through striving to be everything to everyone,
never making a mistake, never sweating, never asking for help.
I feel like this is going to be such a journey—In fact, I’m
sitting here, knowing that there is way too much to type on this topic, knowing
that I’m too tired, but wanting to finish because it’s Sunday, and I’m supposed
to post something—I made a rule! I’m laughing at myself. So actually, I’m going
to close on this here. I’m going to stop. Because I can’t really do this topic
justice at this time of night, with this level of exhaustion. What’s funny, is I
have known since about 10am what this post should be about today. Funny how the
Lord works. Funny how he needs you to hear your own words sometimes.
So we’ll end on this: I felt I was reading my soul when I
read these words in one of the books I decided to read. “I’m done trying to be
everything to everyone, trying to prove a point to the world. I will not chase
this impossible standard. I’ll hold myself to a standard of grace, not
perfection.” The book is Grace, Not
Perfection by Emily Ley, and I truly found some good points in it. The
first few chapters, and this quote, definitely needed revisiting as I enter my fourth
week of work, and I feel the familiar tingle of the super woman syndrome calling
to me.
Soulful Sundays: Once a week I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based on my relationship with the Trinity and the Christian Bible. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you–be advised
Anyone who has spoken to me in depth, in person, about these migraines I’ve been experiencing since May of this year has heard this: this is a very spiritual journey. It may make some uncomfortable to know just how much I hear God’s voice and feel His Spirit guiding my every move these days. This is a transformative process, and so when people ask me how I’ve remained sane through some of my darkest days, or how I’m smiling when I’ve been in some form of pain daily for around 5 months, I say, “The Lord and I have become really, really close.” When there are weeks you spent where 70-80% of your day is alone in a dark room, you either go into the darkness, or you get VERY spiritual, start to really ask some questions about some things, and stop asking questions about others, and just—do what He’s telling you to do. It’s what started this blog.
Today, I want to talk about suffering again, because mine
isn’t over, and it does my spirit some good to remind myself of purpose. We
suffer for a few reasons.
Sometimes, we’ve made some choices, and there are consequences. For instance, Adam and Eve chose to disobey the command not to eat from the specific tree in the Garden, and all of humanity has suffered the separation from God since. Jesus came to restore, but God does allow free will, and he does allow the natural consequences to those choices that are outside His will in our lives. I’ll tell y’all, I had some growing to do here. You know, things like: take responsibility for eating on time, drink enough water, get enough sleep, draw some appropriate boundaries. Basically, make sure you are taking care of your body. I said to myself, “God isn’t going to heal you if you aren’t doing the things that you need to do to take care of your own body, sweetie.” My preacher spent 5 minutes on the phone specifically trying to convince me to give up caffeine. I don’t take that lightly. So, I reduced it significantly, to amounts that I knew as a physician were much more in line with what was recommended for my condition (a major feat for me). And I saw major improvements. Consequences. I continue to pray for him to show me how to change the things I can change in my condition, as it is said, faith without works is dead.
Sometimes, the Lord is allowing a test, like in Job. And as
1 Peter 1:6-7 says, you may “suffer grief in all kinds of trials” but they have
come to “prove the genuineness of your faith” that it “may result in the
praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” Sometimes, your praise
through the storm is simply to perfect your faith so that God can be glorified.
And since Christians know Romans 8:28 well, we know there is no reason to get
down about these trials. We know Job was restored, above and beyond his
previous status. We know God’s will for us is above and beyond our wildest imagination
for ourselves, as long as we align ourselves with His will. I’m no where near
as tested as Job was, but I do lean on this story, as I encounter each new
challenge, each new hurdle. A positive spirit goes a long way amid a storm.
Sometimes, as I discussed in my previous blog, the Lord is preparing you for a great blessing, but he’s got to use what appears to be a stumbling block to get you on the path that he has cleared for you.
But the scripture that has carried me, and I have meditated
on: 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with the weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
–King James Version Bible
The timing of the headaches was right at a time in my life
when all God’s blessings were falling into place, my career seemed to be coming
together, my family is picture perfect, and I am finally beginning to own the
gifts and talents He has blessed me with. Then BAM! Now mind you, I have never
been an arrogant person—this is not really my struggle. In fact, I would say my
struggle is the opposite—downplaying and not fully utilizing my gifts and
talents. But I would say that I’m a bit of a control freak. I tend to like to
take the wheel. I tend to like to make the plan. And at a time where I was
beginning to see the gifts, I truly believe God has slowed me down enough so
that I can learn to lean on Him for guidance with exactly how I am to use them,
and who is supposed to be in my space when I do. I’m still learning, and
clearly, the migraines are still here, so He still has some things to show me.
Hopefully this can serve as an encouragement for someone else who’s going through a tough time or will go through a tough time. Truthfully, as I’ve stated before, this piece, this is about me, my growth, and my peace. Be blessed.
Once a week, I will have an installment that speaks to my spirituality, because, as I’ve said, to me, spiritual wellness, is essential to complete wellness. Because I am Christian, my spirituality is heavily based in my relationship with the Trinity. If reading about God, Jesus, or the Spirit will offend your sensibilities, these posts aren’t for you—be advised.
I’m still dealing with these migraines. Still trying to see where they’re going to take me and I’m still looking for guidance, and sometimes needing a little encouragement to keep pushing. It has been so amazing to see God work to use these migraines to grow me as a person, and amazing to see Him give me just what I need to keep me pushing. He didn’t disappoint this Sunday. It’s funny how even when you know better, you think YOU are making a decision, when actually, it’s been His plan all along. Or, He’s rather capable of using our decisions for His benefit. Either way… Our dog has been having quite a time with his ear cropping, and we were having guests over later in the afternoon. In an attempt to be able to have some down time before our guests (to prevent a major headache) and so that someone could watch the dog (to keep him from removing his bandages, yet again!) I attended 8 am service at a congregation other than the one I usually attend. And it was obvious, this was just as God intended, as soon as I heard the message.
“God will take you through something—He needs to humble you because He’s getting ready to expand you in a great way.”
The minister was talking about Ruth, about how she lost her husband and her sons, she was widowed, with no family, and she was basically at what we would call “rock bottom.” He explained that sometimes, God will take you through something—He needs to humble you because He’s getting ready to expand you in a great way. He then used a secular example: Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey was praying for an increase in his notoriety, then he announced the wrong winner on the Miss Universe stage in 2015. He instantly became known world wide, and it was so bad, he had to hire security due to death threats. Shortly after, he had a show where he hosted Miss Columbia, and it was his show with highest ratings. He has been much more globally recognized since that moment. Back to Ruth—Ruth lost everything. But Naomi, her daughter-in-law stuck beside her. And through that love, God increased Ruth’s blessing she became the ancestor of one of the greatest men to ever walk the face of the Earth according to us Christians! I left so encouraged. I’m not sure who else needs to hear this, but I sure did. Sometimes you’ve prayed for an increase. Sometimes you didn’t even pray for it, but God is ready for you to have it. However, before you can have something so great, you need to know how human you are, how small you are, so that you keep your humility. You need to remember just how quickly it can vanish so that you appreciate it when it comes. You need to remember how great He is, so that you don’t second guess who got you where you are, and who’s going to continue to carry you through. Be blessed!
