Tag: #checkin

May 16, 2020

It has been one of those weeks where the entirety of the past 9 months of being patient and controlled in adversity felt like it was going to fall on me. It drove home some important lessons home:

1. You’ve got to stand up for yourself. If you don’t, no one else will. You’ve got to have your boundaries in place, and speak up when those boundaries are being walked all over. Yes, have grace with others, but also, you deserve better. Make sure you get it!
2. You’ve got to make time to check in with you. A couple of weeks ago, I realized I was ignoring myself and my feelings, and promised to change that. I truly believe the intensity of the frustration I felt in this week was the culmination of forgetting to check-in, and handle small problems while they were small. We can prevent build up by checking in. The other thing is that it works guys. I am queen of compartmentalizing. So on Sunday morning, when I just felt off, and realized I needed to meditate, and cleared my mind, and tears just came. Tears. It was so surprising, and not surprising at the same time. I needed to cry, but I never would have let myself in all the busyness. Then, I could start fixing it.
3. God is an amazing God: In the midst of this, I have had amazing support from the most unexpected places—some of them people that weren’t in my life 9 months ago. I also managed to bless others through blessings from others. It’s amazing how God works—how things come together. I’m constantly awestruck.

I’m waking up this Saturday in much better shape than last week…or even the last 2 or 3 from a mental and spiritual perspective. And I attribute that to checking in with myself and realizing I wasn’t taking care of me, then committing to doing just that. So I challenge anyone reading this to do the same. You deserve it! 

May 9, 2020

Last week, I wrote a post I haven’t posted to date, that shook me. When I started my blog, it was because I was going through one of the darkest trials I’ve encountered in my life, and it was a part of my journey towards personal wellness.

Professionally, wellness is my passion. I’m an internist who’d rather stop your medication because you changed your lifestyle than write you a prescription, who enjoys coaching her patients through lifestyle change, and issues keeping you from being your healthiest self. I once had a patient ask me, “Are you sure you’re just a doctor—are you sure you aren’t also a life coach?” I just laughed. Being great at my job sometimes require I be that and more. I want my patients to want to be healthy, to be partners with me in their health.

Personally, until the last 2 years, I probably focused more on my physical health than anything. I mean, I of course read my Bible. I went to church. But I didn’t feed me or stop long enough to really hear God. I was in a situation where someone asked me my hobbies, and…I couldn’t remember what I liked to do for fun besides sleep and read. It was a low moment for me. It was then that I realized I had to do something different, but it wasn’t until the migraines threatened my physical health that things really came together.

I did a great deal of work on myself. I started to understand I needed to create some boundaries, start saying no to those closest to me, and ask for help where I needed it. I realized I had a major problem with perfectionism (it will likely be a lifelong struggle, y’all) that I needed to address. I started to do some intense spiritual and self reflective work. And in the midst of that I realized that while I was working out 5 days weekly and putting healthy foods in, I had been ignoring myself so much that I wasn’t doing basic things like, eating when I felt hunger cues, or going to the restroom when I felt the urge but instead hours later. I was ignoring basic needs…because I had trained myself to for others. No wonder my body was in revolt.

I started the blog, at the time not really knowing why. Honestly, it just felt right and therapeutic. When I was young, I wrote—fictional stories, poetry, songs, journaled. You name it, I was always writing. Now it’s my accountability.

With this quarantine—-boy have I backslid. I’m such a servant. I am so blessed, and this is MY lane. But not just that, my children are young, and there’s added stress there now. My support system, which included a cleaning lady…on hold. Last week, I looked up, and I realized, I was doing a pretty shabby job taking care of me. Morning routine in a shambles. What meditation time? Only exercising two days weekly. And I felt it.

So forgiveness and grace with myself, and baby steps back. I decided I was using my patio. I love my patio. It’s my happy place. So the family went outside, and I sat on my patio. I committed to my quiet/meditation time, because the busyness is going nowhere soon. I started listening to my audio books again. And I got in 5 work outs this week—more like my previous normal.

What does it look like for you? Not sure. But it’s time. COVID-19 surprised us all, knocked us off our game a bit. But we got this. Doesn’t have to be forever. It changes today.

May 16, 2020

May 2, 2020

This is hard. Because right now, I’ve realized that the me piece of me is being a little…ignored. The only alone time I get is if my migraine is bad enough I can’t take it. What 15 minutes of reflection? Notice how Soulful Sundays have all but vanished? It’s a little sad. How does one protect herself from vanishing in the midst of the hustle and bustle of service and more service. This is my perpetual struggle. And as I write this out, I’m smiling a little, and tearing up a little as I realize it’s yet another “test” of the skills I learned…am learning.

Old habits die hard.

But I also think that during this time, this past 6 weeks, it was going to look different. The thing is that moving forward, I will need to be intentional about making sure to feed the me that isn’t a role. And I need to pray very hard for the health to afford my husband the same opportunity.

This spoke to me today.

Sometimes, we just need a little rest.

May 9, 2020