Tag: #soulfulsundays

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

1Cor 13:4-8a (ESV)

Valentine’s Day is coming, and I’ve had pretty unconventional love lesson on my heart.

I have been through a few seasons lately that have taught me something: when people are treating you horribly for no reason at all—when you don’t understand it and want to wish them the same as what they are giving you—pray for your heart, and then, pray for them. And I don’t mean one of those high and mighty full of judgment prayers. I mean dig deep for some compassion—again, I said pray for your heart—and REALLY pray for them. If you know they are going through something, pray that they be delivered. If you know they need something, pray they receive it. Their loved one is sick, pray for health for their loved one and peace for them.

There are many scriptures telling us to love our enemies, pray for our enemies, and allow the Lord to fight our battles.

Let’s start in Romans. Verses 12:14, 17, 19-21 (CSB) state:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes.

Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed, him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing, you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

We aren’t supposed to respond in kind, but we are actually to bless those who do us wrong or seem to want to harm us. We are to remember that God is the one fighting our battles and balancing the score, and the Bible tells us that that will actually be worse for that person than if we tried to handle it our way. However, what I find in the reading of other scriptures is what I’ve alluded to earlier, and what we know of Christianity. Christianity is about the heart, and so, if we’re told to bless our enemies, not avenge ourselves, and to allow room for God to fight for us, then it means that we can’t do these things with the intention of what God’s wrath will/should look like, or that there even should be a punishment.

What?

Yes, I mean, there is no judgment to come from us. It’s not our place, and our role is to bless, and not repay. That should come from the heart. And I believe it is further evidenced from other scriptural references.

Matthew 5:44-46 (CSV) states,

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. For he causes his son to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?” 

And in Luke 6:35-37 (CSV) we’re told,

“But love your enemies, do what is good and lend expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. For he is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”

We enter Romans with this context—Jesus has laid this groundwork before this letter is sent. Your heart is to be filled with love for your enemies as you pray for them. Why? Because God treats everyone as equal. Because you are to strive to be as God is, loving everyone equally. You are to strive to be merciful, so that you may be treated mercifully, and forgive, so that you may be forgiven.

We are all human. We all err. It is not for you to judge the heart, mind, or soul of another. It is not for you to decide what correction this person needs. Because God’s ultimate desire is that ALL will come to know Him. When He rebukes, it will ultimately be for their correction—He loves them as He loves you. And you have no place to intervene or wish something different for them than His will. Humility.

It was when I realized this, I humbled myself enough to realize that for someone else, at some point in time, I may have unknowingly been a part of their persecution as some people have been in mine. And some, who I feel are knowing perpetrators, they may have brokenness I cannot conceive and need grace. I am not in a position to judge anything or wish God do anything apart for His will for them.

So, I humbled myself. I stopped judging the situation. And I prayed FOR them, their families, their struggles, their brokenness. I prayed God help them in the ways they needed help. I prayed he help heal my spirit and protect it from the darkness of hate and anger.

I will not lie to you. The hurt doesn’t disappear overnight. The trauma others help put you through–that doesn’t go away overnight. I believe and wholly subscribe to therapy. God gives us tools to help us in the process, and I believe we should use them.

Oh, BUT!!

The way that things shifted when I was able to start praying FOR them. Truly and wholeheartedly praying for them. The peace over the situation…that is the beginning of real healing. And God is faithful. He corrects. He handles His business. And it doesn’t always look like how you think might, but trust and believe, its as it should be. Humility—we don’t know the entire picture. But God knows what was said in rooms you weren’t in. He sees hearts. And as someone who doesn’t typically gossip or worry about other people’s business, He typically finds a way for me to see that things are being handled, and I can rest easily (the same way he tends to make sure I had the information about what was going on in the first place–y’all, information will hunt you down).

I am reminded as well, that without them, sometimes our greatest growth and our greatest purpose is not accomplished. If you recall, Judas Iscariot had to do what he did, those who took part in Jesus’s persecution, humiliation, and crucifixion, all played an integral role so that He could fulfill his purpose and we could have salvation. When I remember that these people have played a part in my greater good in the vein of Romans 8:28, and that they are human, and we all fall short—I certainly have, and I have certainly hurt someone—I remember my role is to love. I do have to work on the trauma and hurt. But loving is a part of that.

It is the greatest commandment (Matt 22:37-39), and our neighbors include everyone, even our enemies (Luke 10:25-37, Matt 5:44). “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” We always quote this when it comes to marriage, friendship, or family, but our enemies? Reminder—definition doesn’t change.

This is a hard one. I’m learning, as well. Constantly praying on it. But it’s transforming me, and I’m hopeful it will transform you as well. Not your typical Valentine, but important, nonetheless. Forgiveness sets you free.

I have a confession. I have a control problem.

I like to plan everything. I like to have plan A, B, C, D, E and F. Listen, I want a contingency for the contingency. I like to know that I have all bases covered, and nothing can go wrong.

Except…

That’s not possible. Something always goes wrong. You always forget some detail. Or, you’re simply frozen in place, never getting done what you need to get done because you’re too busy planning for perfection that simply isn’t attainable.

Let me tell you the work God is doing in me right now.

When I say He has decided that it’s truly time for me to tackle this perfectionism and trust issue that I have, I may be understating things a bit.

So, there were a few lessons here, that I really want to bring out.

• The process has been painful. Very painful. But I was reading the Mark retelling of the rich man who asks Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life. This one is different in that it highlights something specific after Jesus gives him the answer to which he replies that he’s done all this since he was a child. “And Jesus looking upon him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.” Jesus gave him the hard truth because he loved him. This is important. Like a loving parent, God will allow the harsh consequences of our choosing to go outside His will, to do things our own way to shake us up so that we can live our perfect purpose—the one He has for us. And no, I’m not talking about sin, although sin could count. I’m talking about when He sees us off the path that is best for our well-being, that of our family or that of our relationship with Him–when sees us off the path of our gift and how it could best affect those we’re meant to touch. It doesn’t always mean you did something “wrong.” It can mean you just aren’t trusting His guidance, and you’re relying too heavily on your own voice. I found myself in the exact same situation for a second time—well, maybe not exact, but way too similar to make sense. I knew that I hadn’t done the obvious things to end up there. I had to reevaluate—what did I miss the first time that brought me back to this point?

• Taking everything to God means even admitting when you have trust issues (or when you’re mad at him or have some questions you think you shouldn’t have). You can’t move past a problem if you don’t first admit the problem. And let me let you in on something—He already knows, and the fact you aren’t talking about it is just a big elephant in the room. It needs to be addressed. So, I said, “God, I know you can do anything, I’ve seen you do so much. You’ve never let me down. But you know me. I’m having a problem fully letting go right now. Help me.” That was the first step. I mean, we aren’t there yet, but some real walls are coming down. So yeah, He already knows. Who better to ask for help with that thing that’s really standing in the way of progress?

• Specific to my situation, let’s call this voice that asks me to solve every problem exactly what it is. I say I’m going to trust God, and then something unexpected happens or something doesn’t happen when I think it should and I hear “What are you going to do if X falls through?” And you know who that is? I’m ashamed to say it took a devotional to point out to me that that voice is none other than the deceiver, asking me to question what I’ve been assured: the battle is not mine (by the way, the best way to answer the deceiver is as our Lord did: it is written…). My job is to move how I’ve been directed (faith + works) and wait for God to do the rest. Stop trying to solve everything. If I’ve moved how I’ve been told, then that’s all that’s needed. He’s got it. And the more I believe it, the more it’s done. I always come back to Jesus’s hometown when I think about God’s power—He didn’t do many miracles there because of THEIR unbelief. Not that He couldn’t—He was the same Jesus. He just DIDN’T. Oh, but if you just have mustard seed faith…

So I’m learning. I’m not naïve enough to think that I will achieve perfection here—it’s one of my many thorns. But I’m working on it. And hopefully, if I’m not the only one, one of you will join me.

So I’ve found myself in a season of being smacked in the face with the need to push myself into change and growth. It’s very uncomfortable, but who grows when they are comfortable?

I was doing an amazing devotional with my brother, and was reminded of something:

What that means is I am extremely powerful because of Whose I am and Who dwells in me–the Spirit of the one who can do more than I can ask or think–more than I can imagine. And I started asking myself–then why would I think so small? How insulting to my God! When He can do so much, why would I ask so little? Why would I dream so small?

I am asking you the same–challenging you to dream bigger. Whose life can you change or touch if you dream just a little bigger, answer more challenges that maybe you’ve been shying away from. Remember, you are God’s instrument. He has endowed us with talents that we are responsible to use.

I am reminded of one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson, “Our Deepest Fear”, likely one of my favorites, because I need the constant reminder.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.”

Go answer your call–fulfill your purpose of bringing glory to God by living his purpose for your life and meeting your full potential.

Two weeks ago, I hit an emotional low point that I think had been building for a while. It was after hearing something relatively small in the grand scheme of what I’ve been through, and I’m sure the person that told me had no idea it would affect me the way it did. Hopefully, they still have no idea it affected me the way it did…lol.

Let me tell you what God did. God sent cake—literal unexpected cake in my meal prep and from a family friend. God sent words of validation: I decided to congratulate someone of status in our organization with whom I’ve worked for an award they received—they in turn praised me for the work I’ve done in the organization. In preparing for a keynote address I’m about to give, a previous intern, now colleague spontaneously told me how “awesome” I am and thanked me for my work with the residents. I needed a break: I didn’t get a single call while I was on call.

And this week, I finally received the tangible recognition award I’d been given a few months back virtually for my work with the residents, and remembered that I was recognized in the Super Doctors Rising Star edition in the July issue of the Texas Monthly. I mentioned it in my Thankful Thursday post and—the outpouring of love and support I received was so unexpected…and honestly so needed. My resident texted me to congratulate me on being the keynote speaker at this upcoming event, and it reminded me…as nervous as I am about it, it truly is an honor that they trust me to represent them in this way.

“But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

Luke 12:7 KJV

And honestly guys, there are other things I won’t even type here, for the sake of confidentiality, that have come together this week… God is always working.Sometimes we think of God as being aloof, and unconcerned with our tiny needs. But the Bible teaches us different. We are so important to Him that He knows the number of hairs on our head. It tells us if we seek first the kingdom of God, the ALL things will be added…not some. ALL. Everything else. Even cake sometimes.

“But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Luke 12:11-12 KJV

My 8 year old told me sometimes he wanted to call God “Daddy”, but he felt it was disrespectful. I told him I didn’t think it would be. I told him that God desires relationship, and that if He felt close enough to God to approach Him in that way, then that’s beautiful.
Because the past few weeks, God has shown that He cares for me, not like a father, but a daddy. He has paid attention to every detail—things some would seem unimportant, but made me feel important and know I’m loved and purposed.

Open your eyes, He’s working for you too, because you are His, and He loves us all so deeply.

“But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing”

James 1:4 KJV

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”

Phillipians 1:6 KJV

I have reflected on this situation, and have been amazed at how God has prepared me for this over the past 18-20 months. I never cease to be amazed by His omnipotence and His perfect plan.

This started with me realizing that I needed to slow down. I was thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman, but knew that this woman couldn’t be all she needed to be unless she took care of herself. This led me to some studies on a sabbath spirit, and while we may not be commanded to observe a sabbath under strict law anymore, it is still wise to do so. How this can strengthen your relationship with God, to slow down, and hear Him. Then, the migraines, which forced me to do just that. And I’ve said before, had I not had that experience, I never would have been prepared for the growth of that trial in Summer/Fall 2019. God literally sat me down, put me in dark rooms with Him, me and a bunch of pain, nausea, vertigo, and tingling alone, and forced me to decide if I was going to choose darkness or light. If I was going to choose to break or to grow. If I was going to choose to get closer to Him, or retreat. I came through that, to return to work and face EVEN MORE CRAZINESS, y’all. And He was there, every moment. Strengthening me. Showing me how there can be joy at your lowest moment. How even when people who should have your back don’t, you’re okay, because He always does. How circumstances mean nothing.

He continuously put people and circumstances in my path, throughout this time that grew me up, that supported me at just the right time, that proved to be connections I would need a few months later. He is more than what we can imagine or express.

So this. I am disheartened. It sickens me to see the mess humans are making of this thing. But I am peaceful in the end. Because, MY GOD IS MORE THAN ABLE. And He shows me time and again what He can do, in my life, in my patients’ lives, in my friends’ lives. The thing is, it doesn’t always look like what we think it should.

“For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

Romans 8:6

Peace isn’t the same as happiness. I’m still having migraines. I’m also back to doing my job and interacting with my family. I’m not back to singing in the chorus, but I trust I will be in His time, if it’s how He chooses for me to use my talents.

This virus. It will do what He allows. Peace is knowing you will be okay, even better for it, once it’s done. Even in death. Yep. Even if the virus takes your loved one, or you, peace is knowing that His plan is a perfect one for your life, and surrendering to that. That’s hard, but it’s what He asks, and it’s in that surrender that you can have peace. Because what do we control? Our efforts. That’s it. But in those dark rooms, worried about whether I would ever practice medicine or care for my kids again, I had to accept, that if I didn’t, it was His will. Because, I don’t deserve a single thing He’s given me thus far. And I don’t deserve anything else going forward. So I praise Him for what He’s already done, and I petition for what I want knowing that He can and He loves me and if it’s best for me, He will, and I rest.

But what’s best in His eyes? That I look like Him and His son, and have a close relationship with Him. Not my financial success. Not my long life. Not unless those things serve to glorify Him and bring others to Him. Yes, He will give me those things, if they do not interfere, because I desire them, and He loves me, and He’s an amazing Father. But He may not, because He is Creator of all, greater than all, above my thoughts, beyond my comprehension, and it is extremely arrogant of me to presume to think that the only way for this to turn out best, is the way I want it to turn out. When there is a Universe that contains stars that are billions of times larger than the earth that contains billions of me, to think that my desires are the only ones that matter…again, arrogant. He’s amazing, that He considers them at all, the one created all that. But I am also not qualified to question His judgment. And He’s more than qualified to make this okay.

So, I pray for deliverance, knowing full well that He can, trusting full well that He will, but losing absolutely no faith because He hasn’t yet. Losing absolutely no faith as He allows lives to be lost, time to continue to pass, because, I do not understand the things He understands, and honestly, this is a situation of human making, and how tired He must be of us running to Him to solve our messes, when we ignore Him on so many other fronts. So I am peaceful. Because He is fully in control, and if He decides, He can fully defy the the numbers, and the current science, and He can take this thing away. And until He does, I trust He will protect me. And if He doesn’t, I trust that He will protect my family, and I have lived in such a way, I will be better off, and I can trust that this will serve His ultimate plan in a way that my continuing to live and fight and serve in this world would not.

I am human. When this started, I sat in my floor, and I had a tearful conversation with Him. I had to work myself here, tearfully. Because we had done this before, but this seemed a lot to ask…but is it? When He’s done so much for us, is it too much for Him to ask for us to trust Him completely, no matter what? No. We do what we can. We sit back, we rest. Peace, be still.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”

1 Timothy 1:7

I believe we will be fine. I believe He will deliver us from our social distancing and SARS-COV-2 to a world that is changed by the experience. But I am patient, because I don’t have the authority to command it. I am peaceful, because if it never comes, He’s still done more for humanity than we ever deserved in the sacrifice of His son, and the extension of a chance at full relationship with Him again. I have no fear, because I am His child, and He’s got eternity covered, y’all.

“and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Phillipians 4:7 KJV

When I first started this blog, I knew I would eventually be writing something about margin. And here we are. And I know I won’t be doing it justice here, but it came up this week, so even though this migraine thing was definitely meant to teach me a great deal about this concept, I must not be learning the lesson. I’m a slow study.

15 minutes to be still. It’s a homework assignment. I almost laughed because around this time last year I was asking God to show me the importance of rest and it took me down some studies on a Sabbath heart and margin in our lives that truly prepared me for the sabbatical that was my migraine catastrophe. Had it not been for those studies, I wouldn’t have been ready for the spiritual growth I accomplished during that time. But I knew that with returning to work, I was in danger. I told myself that if I didn’t have time to write, I was doing too much. But I’ve been increasingly unfocused and overwhelmed. And you know what I was told—“you’ll hear God’s voice when you’re still.” Duh!! I know this. Why do I have to keep hearing this? Why do I need to keep being reminded.

So I’m here, with this very cursory introduction to margin.

Remember, that the Lord rested, not because he needed to, but because he thought it important to set the example.

And Moses, in Numbers 9:8, instructed them to wait, so that he could hear the Lord’s command. He was in no hurry, he was still.

And in Isaiah 30:15, “For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’ But you were unwilling.”

I realized the moment I got my homework that even typing the blog wasn’t protecting my margin. So God sent it a different way. And boy, am I looking forward to it!

“For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline.”

1 Timothy 1:7 ASV

Over Christmas, I was engulfed in unexpected quality time with my present past—family members with whom I don’t get to spend enough time and with whom I definitely don’t get to speak on the level I did this holiday. It was exactly what I needed.

One such interaction was with family, not blood—but family, indeed, who I haven’t seen in years. We were talking about…life…and how uncertain I am these days. Before this she had been speaking on how I didn’t have to necessarily overwhelm myself trying to get these experiences to set myself up for future endeavors, that God is always preparing you for exactly what He has for you, and He will use your experiences to shape you. I said something about how I’ve been praying for direction and she said something profound—at least for me. It was something to the effect of, “I think we pray wrong sometimes. We’re praying waiting for some grand sign on where to move next. God gave us free will. He’s waiting on us to move.” And here I was having something of an epiphany, because she was definitely hitting on a struggle of mine, and I said, “And trust that He’s going to be there and work it out.”

Y’all, since this conversation, some things that I was really confused about really clarified themselves for me. It was exactly what she was sent to tell me.

Sometimes, we’re sitting back, waiting. And God has completely prepared us to DECIDE the next step. And He’s waiting on us to step out on faith, ask for what we want and believe that He will do more than we could imagine for ourselves.

“Ye did not choose me, but I chose you, and appointed you, that ye should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, He may give it you.”

John 15:16, ASV

I kept struggling with whether it was in His purpose. But my purpose is to glorify Him with my gifts, and there are so many different ways I can do that. Sometimes, what He wants is my show of faith; my ability to ask for what I want in accordance with that will, and trust that He can and will support me in it. I believe it’s yours too. Nothing more, nothing less. So much peace in that.

“And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to His purpose.”

Romans 8:28 ASV