Soulful Sunday 4/5/2020

“But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing”

James 1:4 KJV

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”

Phillipians 1:6 KJV

I have reflected on this situation, and have been amazed at how God has prepared me for this over the past 18-20 months. I never cease to be amazed by His omnipotence and His perfect plan.

This started with me realizing that I needed to slow down. I was thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman, but knew that this woman couldn’t be all she needed to be unless she took care of herself. This led me to some studies on a sabbath spirit, and while we may not be commanded to observe a sabbath under strict law anymore, it is still wise to do so. How this can strengthen your relationship with God, to slow down, and hear Him. Then, the migraines, which forced me to do just that. And I’ve said before, had I not had that experience, I never would have been prepared for the growth of that trial in Summer/Fall 2019. God literally sat me down, put me in dark rooms with Him, me and a bunch of pain, nausea, vertigo, and tingling alone, and forced me to decide if I was going to choose darkness or light. If I was going to choose to break or to grow. If I was going to choose to get closer to Him, or retreat. I came through that, to return to work and face EVEN MORE CRAZINESS, y’all. And He was there, every moment. Strengthening me. Showing me how there can be joy at your lowest moment. How even when people who should have your back don’t, you’re okay, because He always does. How circumstances mean nothing.

He continuously put people and circumstances in my path, throughout this time that grew me up, that supported me at just the right time, that proved to be connections I would need a few months later. He is more than what we can imagine or express.

So this. I am disheartened. It sickens me to see the mess humans are making of this thing. But I am peaceful in the end. Because, MY GOD IS MORE THAN ABLE. And He shows me time and again what He can do, in my life, in my patients’ lives, in my friends’ lives. The thing is, it doesn’t always look like what we think it should.

“For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

Romans 8:6

Peace isn’t the same as happiness. I’m still having migraines. I’m also back to doing my job and interacting with my family. I’m not back to singing in the chorus, but I trust I will be in His time, if it’s how He chooses for me to use my talents.

This virus. It will do what He allows. Peace is knowing you will be okay, even better for it, once it’s done. Even in death. Yep. Even if the virus takes your loved one, or you, peace is knowing that His plan is a perfect one for your life, and surrendering to that. That’s hard, but it’s what He asks, and it’s in that surrender that you can have peace. Because what do we control? Our efforts. That’s it. But in those dark rooms, worried about whether I would ever practice medicine or care for my kids again, I had to accept, that if I didn’t, it was His will. Because, I don’t deserve a single thing He’s given me thus far. And I don’t deserve anything else going forward. So I praise Him for what He’s already done, and I petition for what I want knowing that He can and He loves me and if it’s best for me, He will, and I rest.

But what’s best in His eyes? That I look like Him and His son, and have a close relationship with Him. Not my financial success. Not my long life. Not unless those things serve to glorify Him and bring others to Him. Yes, He will give me those things, if they do not interfere, because I desire them, and He loves me, and He’s an amazing Father. But He may not, because He is Creator of all, greater than all, above my thoughts, beyond my comprehension, and it is extremely arrogant of me to presume to think that the only way for this to turn out best, is the way I want it to turn out. When there is a Universe that contains stars that are billions of times larger than the earth that contains billions of me, to think that my desires are the only ones that matter…again, arrogant. He’s amazing, that He considers them at all, the one created all that. But I am also not qualified to question His judgment. And He’s more than qualified to make this okay.

So, I pray for deliverance, knowing full well that He can, trusting full well that He will, but losing absolutely no faith because He hasn’t yet. Losing absolutely no faith as He allows lives to be lost, time to continue to pass, because, I do not understand the things He understands, and honestly, this is a situation of human making, and how tired He must be of us running to Him to solve our messes, when we ignore Him on so many other fronts. So I am peaceful. Because He is fully in control, and if He decides, He can fully defy the the numbers, and the current science, and He can take this thing away. And until He does, I trust He will protect me. And if He doesn’t, I trust that He will protect my family, and I have lived in such a way, I will be better off, and I can trust that this will serve His ultimate plan in a way that my continuing to live and fight and serve in this world would not.

I am human. When this started, I sat in my floor, and I had a tearful conversation with Him. I had to work myself here, tearfully. Because we had done this before, but this seemed a lot to ask…but is it? When He’s done so much for us, is it too much for Him to ask for us to trust Him completely, no matter what? No. We do what we can. We sit back, we rest. Peace, be still.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”

1 Timothy 1:7

I believe we will be fine. I believe He will deliver us from our social distancing and SARS-COV-2 to a world that is changed by the experience. But I am patient, because I don’t have the authority to command it. I am peaceful, because if it never comes, He’s still done more for humanity than we ever deserved in the sacrifice of His son, and the extension of a chance at full relationship with Him again. I have no fear, because I am His child, and He’s got eternity covered, y’all.

“and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Phillipians 4:7 KJV