Funny, I’ve never really been one for New Year’s resolutions. They just seem too cheesy and cliché for me. But for some reason, what I have always found is there is this natural closing at the end of the year. A natural reflection that lends itself to a reset. And this year has been no different.
The past month has been a month full of returning to relationships that had me come face to face with the old me. It reminds you of the growth that has taken place. It is also amazingly grounding. There is nothing like watching your children play with the children of your onetime best friend who you no longer really get to keep in touch with due to…life; standing there, remembering the uncertainty and anxieties you shared during adolescence and young adulthood, proud to see how far you’ve both come.
Nothing like spending one on one time with your dad and meeting one of his long-time friends; getting to see him in his professional element.
Nothing like long talks with your mom wrapping presents, on the way to a women’s book club, shopping.
Nothing like Christmas with the aunt, uncle and cousin, who are more like members of your core family, for the first time in more years than you can remember.
Nothing like sitting with your “big sister,” who apparently got on your page, read some of your posts, and came to do what she does with her wisdom in a full-on therapy session that was so needed.
Nothing like sitting up until 5am with your big-little brother—just talking.
Nothing like meshing your past and present together at a time in your life that seems so uncertain and unsettled.
It was perfect, exactly what I needed.
It’s very interesting. 2019 wasn’t all bad. I mean, I moved into my new home, traveled to some pretty cool places, and have seen some growth in some areas professionally despite my illness. My children are growing, and healthy and appear to be thriving. However, I must be honest, I can’t wait to see this year go.
It’s been hard, y’all. Professionally, physically, mentally, physically, emotionally—every way you can think. I have been tried as mother, wife, woman, human, physician and professional. I have grown. I am growing.
What am I grateful for in 2019? Lessons. Friends—finding out who the real ones were, strengthening some bonds, finishing my circle. Growth. Strength. Faith. Health. Income. Shelter. Family. Learning the meaning of Margin. Defining my struggle with perfectionism. Life.
So 2020? I will continue to grow. I feel grounded. I feel ready. I have some perspective that without this time meshing past with present, I don’t think I would have gained—so amazing how these things work out (look at God!). I’m grateful for the opportunity to continue to work on protecting margin in my life, defeating perfectionism, practicing gratitude and enjoying the blessings I have right now, rather than hustling so hard for…what exactly?!
I’d like to have more peace in 2020. Here’s to true wellness.