Month: April 2020

What we now know about COVID-19 is that it has many different faces, much like the other illnesses caused by coronaviruses. This is why it is extremely important to stay home if you feel ill at all, and to move around as if you have the illness regardless. We have tested people who seemed relatively asymptomatic (meaning without symptoms) and found them to be positive. However symptoms include:

• Headache
• Fever
• Cough
• Sore throat
• Chills/Rigors
• Muscle Aches
• Shortness of breath
• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Diarrhea
• Loss of smell or change in smell
• Loss of taste or change in taste

It is a new Coronavirus that is believed to have originated in a bat in Wuhan, China. It causes the illness COVID-19. It has mutated at least 2 times (honestly, evidence shows many, many more) and is now causing a pandemic. It is believed to have a mortality of between 1-3%, but this could be lower, because we aren’t testing enough mild cases. Either way, it is causing lots and lots of people to die and will cause people to die unnecessarily if we don’t do our parts to continue to slow the spread.

Covid-19 is the illness caused by Sars-CoV-2, as discussed above.

Video explaining Infection

Kid-Friendly Video

I’m going to risk something by telling you this, this COVID-19 thing…it’s getting to me. Some of it may be the typical stuff…but, this experience for me is so deep. My heading on my website…wife/mom/physician/woman. This virus makes me vulnerable in every aspect. It has shaken every piece. So I realized, I’m going to take a risk, like I did with starting the blog in the first place, and write it out. (Scroll through the pictures below for each point of view.)

PHYSICIAN

WIFE/MOM

WOMAN

Soulful Sunday 4/5/2020

I am so happy for everyone else that they are finding this quarantine time a time to slow down and be more productive. Focus on themselves. Focus on their goals. Whatever. Yep, you heard it. While I’m happy, I’m also, a little…irritated..that it hasn’t worked out that way for me.

Yeah, I know. I signed up for this. It also doesn’t make it easy to see everyone posting about lounging in pajamas, having no where to go, getting fat on snacks, being bored, while I’m literally more tired than I’ve been in a while trying to give my children more time because they have more time while mommy has less time, because now she has to clean, make sure they have 3 meals instead of 1, learn constantly about a brand new illness, attend (virtually) no less than 3-4 meetings weekly about said illness, while continuing my previous workload.

So while y’all are complaining—I kinda want y’all to—stop. Practice some gratitude 😘. Because I would do something strange for a week—or 4—in pajama pants unable to leave my house. If I could be bored just once (I actually don’t think I’ve ever been bored left to my own devices). I’m an introvert, y’all. That sounds positively glorious!! (Minus the kids of course…but even with them, we could make this thang work😂). But I’m trying to check myself…I am. I signed up for this. I did this to myself. And…gratitude, right.

So, I’m grateful to be employed. There are so many who have lost their jobs and are struggling. I don’t get to be upset when I can support my family. I have responsibilities at home because I am not quarantined alone, and don’t have to worry about getting lonely. I am able to feed my children. I am able to help others rather than being completely helpless during this time. I am cleaning this beautiful house I for which I prayed so long. And I said I don’t get to be upset. That’s wrong. I get to have feelings. I don’t get to wallow in them. Because I have a lot to be grateful for.

Wife/Mom

So as I’ve said, the numbers aren’t surprising to me. And because I understand that most people do well with this illness, I’m not overly concerned about my family catching the illness. I’m concerned about me catching the illness, not doing well due to my asthma, or because I’ve been called to work in the hospital and overly exposed to the virus, and leaving them. I’m concerned that I’ll expose them and then they’ll expose more vulnerable extended family…so I’ve been pretty strict about in-laws and no visitation—which is hard.

This is the first Easter in his entire life, that my 7 year-old won’t see his 8 year-old cousin. It’s become something of a tradition…now there are 4 of them…well 5, counting my sister-cousin and her son who would really be offended if he weren’t counted. His grandmother here wants to come hide eggs, and he doesn’t understand why he can’t at least give her a hug—I still go into work everyday, and there’s no way they can socially isolate from me, so they don’t need to expose their 70 year old grandmother—just in case. Do you know how I would feel?! But that’s also hard, telling my loving, touch as love language, 7 year-old he can’t touch.

And we haven’t even talked about the fact that there are no cleaning ladies, babysitters, date nights…guys. I’m tired. My husband is tired. These people talking about all this extra time they have…God bless them. Can they use all that extra energy to keep my kids for me when this is all over? My husband and I need a vacation to sleep. And then to have some fun. And then to sleep again. Yes? Thank you!

Gratitude? I’m so thankful that my babies are being able to slow down. They normally have to wake up at 6:30 and are gone until 7pm most nights. It’s quite the schedule. I’m so grateful for this slower pace for them, to be…kids. There’s a lot more screen time…I’m trying to be okay with it. It’s beautiful, actually.

I’m a physician. But I’m also a math brain who really gets the numbers. For instance, at the risk of alienating you, I’ll divulge that I was the kid in high school calculus who didn’t pay attention but still managed to make 103—as an average. I majored in psychology so I had to take a stupid number of statistics courses, and for my honors thesis, because I was too cheap to purchase the software, I did my ANOVA calculations by hand (to be fair, I had a small sample size). I’m that kid. So I visualize most of this stuff in my head as these guys talk. It just makes sense to me. At first when I was posting that we should be more worried about influenza…guys, I really thought our freaking government would get control of this thing before we had to worry about it. Like they did with Ebola, swine flu, and all the things before. I gave this administration too much credit. So once it was obvious they were completely irresponsible, none of this, I repeat, NONE OF THESE NUMBERS, have surprised me.

What has surprised me is watching my colleagues be told that they can’t use PPE by people who never took an oath to heal, serve, and protect patients. I’ve been surprised to watch entities that are supposed to protect us do so little to ensure our safety. I’ve been truly saddened to see how little value physicians’ lives hold, how some hospitals are falling right in line with devaluing their lives, and families are losing their fathers, mothers, and children. Resident physicians—physicians who never got to see the rewards to all their hard work—are dead because our leaders chose not to protect them, and agencies chose to weaken the requirements for PPE to things that have been shown to be inferior rather than push back and insist that the health care workers at the front lines be protected. And physicians—physicians are being asked to do this for FREE in some instances. And many are choosing to. Because we took an oath. After YEARS of people believing we are the reason that their bills are higher, not taking our directives, blaming us for everything from autism to cancer to make a quick buck, my colleagues are going and dying FOR FREE to save a life! Think on that.

I’m heartbroken. I’m disgusted. I’m scared at times. I feel extremely vulnerable. I love my profession. All I’ve ever wanted to do in my entire life is help people in this way. I would never watch someone in distress and not help them simply because I didn’t have protective equipment. I couldn’t. I’m also not sure I want to endanger my family, and/or leave them sacrificially, though. Someone mentioned a physician draft…I don’t know how plausible that really is. But what if I didn’t have a choice? I forget often, but I have asthma.

I like to end in gratitude, because that’s what keeps me grounded. I am so grateful to work for the employer I do! They have done an amazing job in all this. No one is perfect, but they have done everything they can to keep their front line workers and patients safe. They have been remarkably transparent. They have been leaders in the community. I don’t give kudos lightly, but they’ve earned it. I’m also grateful to be able to serve my patients, my friends, my church family with my knowledge during this uncertain time. I’m grateful that things that seem scary to others aren’t as scary to me, and that my knowledge has equipped me to be prepared throughout this entire process. I’m grateful for all the people who are expressing their gratitude for the sacrifice of those in the front line! They are such a light!!! I’m thankful for those who are praying for us. And I’m thankful for those who have read this without judgment.