Month: February 2022

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

1Cor 13:4-8a (ESV)

Valentine’s Day is coming, and I’ve had pretty unconventional love lesson on my heart.

I have been through a few seasons lately that have taught me something: when people are treating you horribly for no reason at all—when you don’t understand it and want to wish them the same as what they are giving you—pray for your heart, and then, pray for them. And I don’t mean one of those high and mighty full of judgment prayers. I mean dig deep for some compassion—again, I said pray for your heart—and REALLY pray for them. If you know they are going through something, pray that they be delivered. If you know they need something, pray they receive it. Their loved one is sick, pray for health for their loved one and peace for them.

There are many scriptures telling us to love our enemies, pray for our enemies, and allow the Lord to fight our battles.

Let’s start in Romans. Verses 12:14, 17, 19-21 (CSB) state:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes.

Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed, him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing, you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

We aren’t supposed to respond in kind, but we are actually to bless those who do us wrong or seem to want to harm us. We are to remember that God is the one fighting our battles and balancing the score, and the Bible tells us that that will actually be worse for that person than if we tried to handle it our way. However, what I find in the reading of other scriptures is what I’ve alluded to earlier, and what we know of Christianity. Christianity is about the heart, and so, if we’re told to bless our enemies, not avenge ourselves, and to allow room for God to fight for us, then it means that we can’t do these things with the intention of what God’s wrath will/should look like, or that there even should be a punishment.

What?

Yes, I mean, there is no judgment to come from us. It’s not our place, and our role is to bless, and not repay. That should come from the heart. And I believe it is further evidenced from other scriptural references.

Matthew 5:44-46 (CSV) states,

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. For he causes his son to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?” 

And in Luke 6:35-37 (CSV) we’re told,

“But love your enemies, do what is good and lend expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. For he is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”

We enter Romans with this context—Jesus has laid this groundwork before this letter is sent. Your heart is to be filled with love for your enemies as you pray for them. Why? Because God treats everyone as equal. Because you are to strive to be as God is, loving everyone equally. You are to strive to be merciful, so that you may be treated mercifully, and forgive, so that you may be forgiven.

We are all human. We all err. It is not for you to judge the heart, mind, or soul of another. It is not for you to decide what correction this person needs. Because God’s ultimate desire is that ALL will come to know Him. When He rebukes, it will ultimately be for their correction—He loves them as He loves you. And you have no place to intervene or wish something different for them than His will. Humility.

It was when I realized this, I humbled myself enough to realize that for someone else, at some point in time, I may have unknowingly been a part of their persecution as some people have been in mine. And some, who I feel are knowing perpetrators, they may have brokenness I cannot conceive and need grace. I am not in a position to judge anything or wish God do anything apart for His will for them.

So, I humbled myself. I stopped judging the situation. And I prayed FOR them, their families, their struggles, their brokenness. I prayed God help them in the ways they needed help. I prayed he help heal my spirit and protect it from the darkness of hate and anger.

I will not lie to you. The hurt doesn’t disappear overnight. The trauma others help put you through–that doesn’t go away overnight. I believe and wholly subscribe to therapy. God gives us tools to help us in the process, and I believe we should use them.

Oh, BUT!!

The way that things shifted when I was able to start praying FOR them. Truly and wholeheartedly praying for them. The peace over the situation…that is the beginning of real healing. And God is faithful. He corrects. He handles His business. And it doesn’t always look like how you think might, but trust and believe, its as it should be. Humility—we don’t know the entire picture. But God knows what was said in rooms you weren’t in. He sees hearts. And as someone who doesn’t typically gossip or worry about other people’s business, He typically finds a way for me to see that things are being handled, and I can rest easily (the same way he tends to make sure I had the information about what was going on in the first place–y’all, information will hunt you down).

I am reminded as well, that without them, sometimes our greatest growth and our greatest purpose is not accomplished. If you recall, Judas Iscariot had to do what he did, those who took part in Jesus’s persecution, humiliation, and crucifixion, all played an integral role so that He could fulfill his purpose and we could have salvation. When I remember that these people have played a part in my greater good in the vein of Romans 8:28, and that they are human, and we all fall short—I certainly have, and I have certainly hurt someone—I remember my role is to love. I do have to work on the trauma and hurt. But loving is a part of that.

It is the greatest commandment (Matt 22:37-39), and our neighbors include everyone, even our enemies (Luke 10:25-37, Matt 5:44). “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” We always quote this when it comes to marriage, friendship, or family, but our enemies? Reminder—definition doesn’t change.

This is a hard one. I’m learning, as well. Constantly praying on it. But it’s transforming me, and I’m hopeful it will transform you as well. Not your typical Valentine, but important, nonetheless. Forgiveness sets you free.

I have a confession. I have a control problem.

I like to plan everything. I like to have plan A, B, C, D, E and F. Listen, I want a contingency for the contingency. I like to know that I have all bases covered, and nothing can go wrong.

Except…

That’s not possible. Something always goes wrong. You always forget some detail. Or, you’re simply frozen in place, never getting done what you need to get done because you’re too busy planning for perfection that simply isn’t attainable.

Let me tell you the work God is doing in me right now.

When I say He has decided that it’s truly time for me to tackle this perfectionism and trust issue that I have, I may be understating things a bit.

So, there were a few lessons here, that I really want to bring out.

• The process has been painful. Very painful. But I was reading the Mark retelling of the rich man who asks Jesus what he should do to inherit eternal life. This one is different in that it highlights something specific after Jesus gives him the answer to which he replies that he’s done all this since he was a child. “And Jesus looking upon him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.” Jesus gave him the hard truth because he loved him. This is important. Like a loving parent, God will allow the harsh consequences of our choosing to go outside His will, to do things our own way to shake us up so that we can live our perfect purpose—the one He has for us. And no, I’m not talking about sin, although sin could count. I’m talking about when He sees us off the path that is best for our well-being, that of our family or that of our relationship with Him–when sees us off the path of our gift and how it could best affect those we’re meant to touch. It doesn’t always mean you did something “wrong.” It can mean you just aren’t trusting His guidance, and you’re relying too heavily on your own voice. I found myself in the exact same situation for a second time—well, maybe not exact, but way too similar to make sense. I knew that I hadn’t done the obvious things to end up there. I had to reevaluate—what did I miss the first time that brought me back to this point?

• Taking everything to God means even admitting when you have trust issues (or when you’re mad at him or have some questions you think you shouldn’t have). You can’t move past a problem if you don’t first admit the problem. And let me let you in on something—He already knows, and the fact you aren’t talking about it is just a big elephant in the room. It needs to be addressed. So, I said, “God, I know you can do anything, I’ve seen you do so much. You’ve never let me down. But you know me. I’m having a problem fully letting go right now. Help me.” That was the first step. I mean, we aren’t there yet, but some real walls are coming down. So yeah, He already knows. Who better to ask for help with that thing that’s really standing in the way of progress?

• Specific to my situation, let’s call this voice that asks me to solve every problem exactly what it is. I say I’m going to trust God, and then something unexpected happens or something doesn’t happen when I think it should and I hear “What are you going to do if X falls through?” And you know who that is? I’m ashamed to say it took a devotional to point out to me that that voice is none other than the deceiver, asking me to question what I’ve been assured: the battle is not mine (by the way, the best way to answer the deceiver is as our Lord did: it is written…). My job is to move how I’ve been directed (faith + works) and wait for God to do the rest. Stop trying to solve everything. If I’ve moved how I’ve been told, then that’s all that’s needed. He’s got it. And the more I believe it, the more it’s done. I always come back to Jesus’s hometown when I think about God’s power—He didn’t do many miracles there because of THEIR unbelief. Not that He couldn’t—He was the same Jesus. He just DIDN’T. Oh, but if you just have mustard seed faith…

So I’m learning. I’m not naïve enough to think that I will achieve perfection here—it’s one of my many thorns. But I’m working on it. And hopefully, if I’m not the only one, one of you will join me.